I didn't expected it. Really. I didn't.

It was really a joke from heaven, planned so perfectly for me to fall into it. I have since lost faith in many many things.

DISQUALIFIED.

That's the word which i hated the most. Yes, i made it to the semi-finals on Tuesday. I got second for my heats.

And yes, i did "made it" to the finals on Wednesday. But wait, split seconds after my cry of triumph and victorious punch into the air, i was disqualified due to an underweight boat. Everything was like a joke.
Everything was like a joke.
Everything was like a joke.
Everything was like a joke.
Everything was like a joke.
Everything was like a joke.
Everything was like a joke.

And everything was like a joke.

It's all over now. No one expected this outcome. There was supposed to be a bag of rocks in my boat which would make everything balanced out perfectly well. BUT, it seems like all luck was against me. While my juniors were carrying out my boat for me to launch it into the water, this bloody bag of rocks slipped out in the process and none of us noticed it.

SO, i actually rowed without the bag of rocks. An underweight boat. Something which heaven only made me realised after i have won and qualified for the finals. This is really some f***ing sh**. i put in my best. And i qualified. And i did not.

I have really lost faith in many many things. I have even lost myself.

It was an accident of course. Not one to blame. Even if there is it should be me and myself only. It's all over. It's all over.

1 and a half years of hard work. The sweat, the blood and the tears. It all ended in the worst way possible for me and for RJC. And i encountered the worst mistake of my lifetime. All these preparation gone to waster because of such a stupid reason. I feel really useless.

And yes, what people "knew", claimed to know, and propagate: "James didn't make it! He got disqualified.", "RJC sucked this year.", "This batch didn't train hard enough"... I'm really sick and tired of all these. It's not as if i didn't make it to the finals. OK I DID NOT MAKE IT. I AM WEAK. HAPPY?

I'm tearing apart from within. I can't lift my head high in school at all today. This feeling sucked. I'm sorry everyone. I'm sorry RJC. I couldn't get the badly needed points for the college. I'm sorry friends-those who came down to support and those who gave great spiritual support. And i'm sorry coach, i didn't make it.

It's all over.
It's all over.
It's all over.
It's all over.
It's all over.

And it's really all over. Bye Canoeing. Bye Kira, my paddle. And bye shui shang piao, my boat. I love all of you. But i'm sorry i failed you.

I'm sorry.

The best to your futures, though i can't be there anymore.

1:31 AM
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As the day of the heats approaches,

my heart just became more and more nervous.
The anticipation,

the fear,

the possibilities.

I've gotten myself into a really tough heats.

Look.

This is heats 1 of the T-1 500m race.
Lane 1: NYJC 2
Lane 2: NJC 2
Lane 3: CJC 1
Lane 4: ACJC 2
Lane 5: HCI 1
Lane 6: RJC 1

Super duper competitive.

Featuring NJC who always row like a champion in my heats,
and the HCI guy who is damn strong in his rowing.

(We rowed together once 250m and drew, but he went on to beat another T-2 boat in my school after that)

The CJC rower is not one to be reckon with either. He's the captain of his college.

One who cheong (according to coach)

With these "star rowers", pardon me,

but i think ACJC and NYJC can forget about many things.

Further obstacles to me.

The competition will be held at Bedok Reservoir this year,

for the first time.

Down there,

Buoys are around 150m apart.

(compared to 25m between two buoys in MacRitche)

This is a big challenge.

(Not to get out of lane accidentally and get disqualified)

Not to forget Lane 6 is my weakest lane everytime during training.

(Will i eat the HCI guy's backwash and got affected in my rowing like crazy?)

Me,

I'm never going to give up!

I'm one big force they should fear too!

Let's see on 10th July, the race of the day!

My strength will come from a source which provides all power-

That will bring me through to the finals.

I believe

The finishing line shall be my victory.

5:10 PM
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